Better Than What We Had Dreamed

When Nate and I first talked about getting married, our dream was to have an October Barn Party style wedding with donuts, cider, and a get-away tractor. Nate was pumped about his tractor idea!

We had fun dreaming about this October wedding, and I was tempted to buy decorative hay bales last year on clearance to hang onto for our Big Day!

As we further considered this time frame for our wedding, my sister Julie was considering studying abroad for a semester. If she decided to study abroad, she would be in Lithuania during our October Barn Party. Not wanting to sway Julie's decision about where to spend her semester, Nate and I kept our hopeful wedding plans to ourselves.

While Julie made plans to travel to Lithuania for her fall semester, I was looking up plane tickets to see what it would cost to fly her back for a wedding weekend in October.

After much prayer and discussion (and the fact that time was ticking and we weren't even officially engaged!), Nate and I realized that there would be no October Barn Party in 2012.

When Nate did propose, we had to decide if we wanted to make October Barn Party 2013 happen. Not interested in waiting that long, we compromised our dream and began making plans for a March 2013 wedding! Julie would be back in the states, and her spring break from classes was actually in March.

Without realizing it when we picked out wedding date, planning for our March wedding has worked out quite well!

Nate purchased a house just after he proposed, so along with wedding plans, we've also been working to fix up this property to move into once we're married.

It's funny to look back on what plans we had in mind, and to now see that relying on God's perfect plan for us really has been better than our original dreams!

• We got engaged during the summer, so we were able to snag some good bargains at garage sales for the wedding and our future home. 
• The timeline of progress at the house allowed us to take advantage of Black Friday deals to purchase some major kitchen appliances as well as other things for our wedding and future home.
• Not only will my sister be on spring break, but relatives from Texas have break that week as well - they are talking about renting an RV and taking a family road trip to NY for the wedding!
• March is a slow season in the wedding world, so vendors and locations have been very available to schedule our special day.

Overall, I'm glad I did not clear out the fall clearance section at Walmart last year! God has used His perfect timing to teach me patience. He does have a sense of humor though because although we did not end up with an October wedding, Nate's family threw us an engagement party in October! It was a perfect fall day - and we were able to celebrate with family and friends...and cider and donuts! I just had to smile as I realized God still allowed our dream to come true - but in His way and in His timing.

As we continue to move toward marriage and prepare our future home, we're praying God will continue to guide our decisions as we rely on Him and His plans for our life together!

Now a Box of Memories

I was cleaning/organizing my room tonight, and I finally decided it was okay to part with all of my class notes and homework assignments from Principles of Accounting and four years worth of other business classes, but then I found a box with papers from 3 years ago - three years ago today to be exact.

November 16, 2009. I was hospitalized for over a week. I had saved cards, emails, and words of encouragement from family and friends during that time.

I was a Junior in college and struggling to figure out what to do with my life. I was being treated for depression at the time when a series of events led to other mental health issues that needed more specific medical attention.

Many doctors worked with me to find a proper balance of medication, and I was released the day before Thanksgiving to enjoy the holiday with my family.

Throughout the rest of my time in college I met regularly with a doctor in the Rochester area and a counselor on campus. I learned more about myself and how to appropriately handle various life circumstances.

I graduated from college in 2011 and moved back home. I continued to see my doctor in Rochester every three months or so to monitor the medicines I was taking.

In February 2012, with agreement from my doctor, I came off one of my medicines. Knowing I could begin taking the medicine again at any time, I was curious to see how I would do "on my own."

A few months later, with agreement from my doctor again, I stopped taking my final medicine in July of this year. I followed up with my doctor and have now been off the medicine for a little over 4 months.

I'd be lying if I said these past 4 months have been wonderful and smooth sailing, but I was interested in using the many tools I learned to use when I was on the medicine to take care of myself without having to "rely" on the medicine.

I'm still learning to pay attention to my triggers and incorporate necessary "me time" in order to avoid that dangerous point again, but I'm thankful for the process I have gone through these past three years. I've come to appreciate making the most out of life, and I'm now able to better relate to some of my family members and friends that have faced or are facing similar struggles.

Looking back through that box of "hospital memories" today was a little emotional as I was reminded of the love and care extended to me during that unknown time.

I understand that I can go back on the medicine if that is what's necessary, but I'm thankful that God is faithful and uses unique periods in our life to teach us more about ourselves and those close to us.

I do try and take the time to look back on that season of my life every once in a while to remind myself of the importance of not letting my life get to that point again, but also to as an encouragement of the support shown to me. I'm thankful for the many ways God has allowed me to grow throughout this process.

The picture above was me in the hospital that November three years ago. My family brought in many of my favorite things, and I had the best decorated room in the hospital! To read more about my experience, check out my blog post from two years ago when I was reflecting back: Hospitalization

Unsure what the future holds in regard to my mental health, I am thankful for the prayers, encouragement, and support from loved ones - it has certainly given me courage to express my emotions appropriately, find balance in life, and look forward to what God has for my future!

A Clean House and a Clean Heart

As Nate and I have been fixing up this house to move into after the wedding, I've done a lot of cleaning in the past few months! It never seems to end - there are always more areas to clean!

I spent the majority of today at the house cleaning. From the picture above you can see that we have several supplies to help us make the house squeaky clean again. And today I got to thinking...

This would be so much easier to clean if the house hadn't just been sitting here for a year and a half!

You see - Nate bought the house off the bank. No one had been living in it for several months. No one had been consistently cleaning it and the dirt and grime piled up.

How often do I let the sin in my life pile up?

Wouldn't it be best to keep short accounts with God? Much like it would be easier to keep a house clean if you cleaned a little bit every week instead of letting it all build up and become a huge project to restore it to the point of cleanliness?

This house was filled with mold, and dirt, and cobwebs, and broken pieces - but that is all slowly changing.

And it's the same in our life - cleaning up our sin takes time. It can be a long and slow process to allow God to purify our sinful selves, but once your life gets to that point of restoration - keep short accounts with God and don't allow yourself to get to the point of complete filthiness again!

We're trying not to let the current mess in the house discourage us. Instead, we are choosing to see the potential and carefully taking the proper steps to cleansing. In the same way, God has a closet full of cleaning supplies - if we open our heart to His love and forgiveness and allow Him to work in our life, He will make us squeaky clean!